Ryan & Kristin

by Kristin

In the past year, I have read a few good books on marriage and being a godly wife. One thing I came across which I thought was particularly applicable to the wives of today was the truth that we are not our husband’s conscience. God did not give wives to men for the purpose of convicting them of their sin and ridding them of all their bad habits. If He did, then you would expect a wife’s nagging and criticism would instantly transform a man because God would be working through it. But He isn’t, because that is the opposite of what He intended for husbands and wives.

At the beginning, when God was looking over His creation, He said: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). Wives, God made us as a helper. Not a coach, not a prosecuting attorney, not a judge, but a helper. God’s created purpose for us was to lend our wholehearted support to our husband’s vision, his goals, his dreams (within the bounds of God’s law). This is how we ‘build up our house’ like a wise woman (Proverbs 14:1) and bring glory to God (Titus 2:4-5).

You may be tempted to think: “But if I don’t say anything or show him that he’s doing wrong, he’ll make pagans out of the kids with the stuff he’s letting them watch on TV,” or “he’ll keep getting us lost every time he drives us somewhere,” or “our house will look like a dump because he is too lazy to fix the screen door,” or “he’ll never do anything good, and he won’t grow as a spiritual leader.”

Consider this: No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to achieve greatness.

Consider this: Your disrespect for your husband will ultimately be a greater destroyer of your children than his bad habits.

Consider this: You are interfering with God’s work in his life with your critical spirit. You are failing to be obedient to God yourself, and you are failing to trust God for the outcome.

If you want to change your husband, you must do it God’s way: “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (I Peter 3:1-2).

Be submissive. Be respectful. Trust God and obey Him.

Be encouraging. Encouragement is by far a better motivator of men than criticism is.

Be loving. Be supportive. Make your home a haven for your man, not a battle zone or a courtroom.

I encountered this short article by Steve Watters in the June 2007 edition of the Focus on the Family magazine. A man wrote to Focus with a concern over his wife’s fascination with romance novels. Like most women, his wife saw no harm in reading these books.

But consider Steve’s response to the man’s question:

“Romance novels for women are often ‘just stories’ in the same way that men might say adult magazines are ‘just magazines.’ Both romance novels and adult magazines manipulate men’s and women’s God-given desires with worldly and unhealthy fantasies.

While pornography presents images of women with perfect bodies who are always ready for sex, romance novels present men who have been emotionally re-engineered to spend all their time fulfilling a woman’s romantic fantasies. Both pornography viewers and romance novel readers end up disappointed by spouses who live in the real world.

As imperfect people living in an imperfect world, we already face enough challenges nurturing marital intimacy. Seeking to meet our emotional and physical needs with fantasies makes it that much harder to love our spouses and find contentment.”

While some may think Steve’s comparison of romance novels to pornography is extreme, he nevertheless reveals the danger that romance novels can be. Women can be prone to fantasize about meeting and marrying the perfect man, and feeding these fantasies with fictional love stories further distorts reality.

The truth is, almost all men are imperfect. Husbands will make mistakes and fall short of loving, serving, sacrificing, and leading in a perfect way. As wives, we are called to love and respect our husbands regardless of their faults and shortcomings, and to be content.

However, sisters, if this news discourages you, take heart: there is one perfect man I know. He loved His bride sacrificially, with a most perfect love. His Book is one you have got to read.